It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
