i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
