Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the day after is always just damage control
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
