Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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