OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
