Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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