Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
