I want to make a zoo with you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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