Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
