I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
