I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I AM VODKA MAN
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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