like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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