Betty ford says i'm here all night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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