you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
