Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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