Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
