Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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