Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
