Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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