New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i drank out of a bidet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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