He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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