a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
