My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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