Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
