you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
