Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
