So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
