btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
