His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
