ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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