New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
