I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
