Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
