Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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