i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
