I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i think my cat just said my name.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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