Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
