She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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