I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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