I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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