Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize