I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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