i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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