My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
