The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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