Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
