It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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