Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just puked most of my soul out..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
