im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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