please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
