White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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