There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
