just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
