no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
