I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
honey bunches of taint.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
