I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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