When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
