so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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