when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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