This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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