I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
