What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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