1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
