sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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