i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
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I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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