I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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